Ballers 309: “Crackback”

Crackback – Ricky struggles with his bipolar disorder, Charles gets what he wished for, and Spencer hits more trouble on the stadium deal. Plus, the ballers discuss the ongoing Rock/Tyrese feud, why Charles seems like he’s in a different show, and this weeks baller rankings.

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Ballers 307: “Ricky-Leaks”

Spencer “Shortsnout” Strasmore is back to sniffing in the tall weeds as conflicts build in his hometown, Las Vegas and a tulpa-filled dream world. Is this Evan T. Reilly’s homage to Lynch/Frost? Who facilitated the Ricky-leak? Will ASM be sold to IMG? Does Charles not understand doctor/patient confidentiality? Uncertainty is swirling in the Ballersverse, but we’re here to help navigate through it.

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Why Did Spencer Strasmore Poop in Chad Pennington’s Cleats? – A Ballers on Ballers Investigation

The latest Ballers episode, “I Hate New York,” brought fans a bevy of reunions and new revelations. Rick and Julie Green palin’ around again…and Ricky’s definitely concussed! The Anderson brothers back in action…and Bret eats paste! Vernon’s certainly suspended…but can still get free VR porn! Joe is turning into Spencer 2.0! There’s a lot of info that Evan T. Reilly and co. lay bare for Ballersheads to overanalyze, but there’s also some subtly.

Most oddly notable, is the conversation taking place as team ASM rolls up to Julian Anderson’s Southampton mansion:

 

Spencer: “If we get bogged down in private equity bullshit, I’m just gonna break out some locker room stories.”

Joe: “Yea, maybe spare em the one about how you took a shit in Chad Pennington’s cleats. What do you say?”

Spencer: (chuckles) “He deserved it.”

 

Confirmed. Spencer dropped a deuce (multiple deuces?) in the cleats (plural) of none other than legendary ex-Jets and Dolphins quarterback, Chad Pennington. The same very James Chadwick Pennington who is the only player to win the AP NFL Comeback Player of the Year Award, twice! The same Chadwick drafted ahead of some vainglorious Ugg-wearing dork in 2000.

So, what did Chadwick the Bull Breeder do to deserve it? No one, except maybe Chadwick himself, knows – not even us Ballers on Ballers, the preeminent source for all Ballers takes! Yet, we’ll certainly try. Maybe…

 

Chad Embarrassed Spencer on the Field

Before they were teammates, these two were AFC East rivals. It could’ve been during the November, 2004 game where Chad threw for 3TDs to the tune of a 131.4 QBR, in a 41-14 Jets win. Or Chad’s Christmas night heroics against the Dolphins in 2006. Or his 3TDs that slapped the Phins in the face during the lost 1-15 2007 season. Whenever it was, there’s a good chance that Spencer bit too hard, only to watch the infamous Marshall Soft Touch float effortlessly over his head, ultimately en route to the end zone – we need to watch the tapes. This could’ve happened more than once.

 

Chad Stole Spencer’s Girl in the 305

That’d make for a juicy episode of Glazed and Confused, but it’s unlikely. By the time Woodford County, Kentucky’s Chadwick made it down to Trick Daddy’s city, he was a 32 year old, injury-prone veteran who was known for his wet noodle of an arm. Not a prototypical partier by anyone’s account, Chad did not fit the stereotypical plastic, opulent Miami lifestyle. Also, Chad had been married to his college girlfriend, Robin Hampton, for seven years at that point. Not that age, lack of arm strength and legal marriage are surefire signs of “not a philanderer,” but most public accounts corroborate that Chadwick and Robin, who have three kids, and a multi-state community building non-profit together, have been madly in love, and were never the types to step-out…or swing.

 

Mr. Chavez Came-a-Callin

We’ve seen Spencer Strasmore’s struggle with a painkiller addiction in his post-football days. We also know that the pill-chewin’ dates back to those playing days. It’s quite possible that Spencer’s opiatephile alter ego, Mr. Chavez, was in control at the time, enraged and jonesin’ for his next fix. Maybe Chad tried to intervene…Or maybe he got caught swiping Spencer’s chewables.

 

Spencer Never Got to Wildcat

The second time Chad won AP Comeback Player of the Year was in 2008, which will live on as The Wildcat Season. Chad, Ronnie Brown, Ricky Williams, Tedd Ginn, Davon Bess, heck – even, Patrick Cobbs (remember him?) and a still-hyped Ted Ginn Jr. got in on the fun. Strasmore’s defensive mates Phillip Merling and Will Allen even scored touchdowns that season. Maybe being part of the greatest single season turnaround in NFL history wasn’t enough for Strasmore. Maybe he wanted the ball in his hands after seeing it being passed around in unconventional ways. Maybe he thought he could orchestrate it better than Chad.

 

Wrong Chad

It’s an easy mistake to make, thinking Chad Pennington and Chad Henne are the same person. After all, they’re both generic looking white dudes who toss footballs around for a living. Stack that on top of the fact that football is a reckless, violent blood sport where brains are frequently battered against the unforgiving thickness of the skull, so we know Spencer has suffered through multiple concussions through his career, and you have a recipe for misidentifying one honky for another. So, Spencer actually took a shit in Chad HENNE’s shoes, not Chad PENNINGTON’s teal and orange cleats. And Spencer didn’t actually take a shit— he stuck them up his ass and shat them out. Perfectly reasonable mistake to make.

Ballers 306: “I Hate New York”

This week is a celebration of reunions—of Mr. Anderson and his brother Julian, of Ricky and Julie, and of the Ballers themselves! That’s right, this week we have a special reunion episode, featuring our initial reactions to “I Hate New York,” a progress report on Mr. Seifert’s job as the Miami Dolphin’s GM, and the latest baller rankings. So strap in, Ballersverse!

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Ballers 305: “Make Believe”

 

After breaking some fresh Ballers news, BOB asks the tough questions about the latest episode of HBO’s smash hit. Is Ballers pivoting to become a show about VR porn? Is the piss man baller of the week? Does Seifert come off as a religious zealot? Is Spence going to betray his friend, investor, and client Vern? We look at all the angles of the latest from the Emmy nominated series Ballers.

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Ballers Season 3 Leak – Plot Reveal (SPOILERS)

Photo source: Los Angeles Times

**Scroll to the bottom for our “Ride and Die” Baller of the Week and Least Baller of the Week picks!**

Ballers is back! The internationally beloved HBO documentary about Dwayne The Rock Johnson’s life has stepped it’s game up for season three. So far we’ve added an old flame of Spencer’s (Chloe), Steve Gutenberg, Stephen Curry® branded content and a Vegas plot line involving Tim Brown and a shark monster truck jump.

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Ballers 304: “Ride and Die”

Ricky is suffering technical difficulties, and so is Ballers on Ballers. We will be back this weekend with our Baller of the Week (some SD cards have CTE). While Spencer is busy being sort of a dick trying to save Vernon’s contract AND move an NFL team, Ricky can’t remember roses, sex, or his own address (save that to your Uber profile Jarret!). We’re concerned. Luckily Chloe is still falling on the sword for our favorite Ballers.

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Ballers 303: “In The Teeth”

Rest easy, world, Ballers has been renewed for season 4. But today we’re celebrating episode 3 of season 3 “In the Teeth”. We ask the hard questions this week: Is Siefert a mentor or nemesis? Why didn’t Dennis go to Sin City with the Rickey? Does ‘Glazed and Confused’ still suck? Then, a fan favorite finally makes it onto this year’s Baller Rankings.

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Ballers 207: ‘Everybody Knows’

For Ballers season 2 episode 7 ‘Everybody Knows’, we analyze Charles’ front office acumen, the Jerret family drama, Mr. Anderson’s financial fumble, Andre’s power play and both Spencer and Jay Glazer’s ceaseless downward spirals. Everybody knows that Rashard Mendenhall is a (Super Bowl winning) world class athlete – we discuss the renaissance man’s blooming writing career. BONUS SEGMENT (55:00) – we breakdown the Ballers schedule, mourning the upcoming week off (suck it Labor Day) and fawn over the courageous, baller move of scheduling the final three episodes of season two against NFL Sunday Night games.

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Ballers 206: ‘Saturdaze’

Evan T. Reilly may be taking a mid-season siesta, but Ballers on Ballers never rests. This week we discuss our disappointment with Dennis’s meddling (RIP #Ricky2NOLA), Tyrod Taylor trade rumors, Charles’ first assignment (seeya Kovac), give Rob Weiss free advice (Reggie+Joe=profits), cover the temptation of Joe (suck it Andre), and update our listeners on the latest in the War on Ballers (looking at you, ESPN). Then, we give out our Least Baller of the Week, Baller of the Week, and Personal Baller Moment of the Week.

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Miguel-Ballers-on-Ballers

My Night With Miguel: Part 1

It’s been a few days since Frank Ocean’s Endless and Blonde fell like manna from the heavens. Frank’s missed deadlines and delays caused more suffering than 40 years of aimless desert-wandering, driving some Reddit users to the verge of legally defined sanity. In the midst of this purgatory of suffering, I got to thinking about a special night that happened a year ago. And it happened with a man who never disappoints.

That’s right, I’m about to tell you about the night I spent with Miguel.

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Ballers 205: ‘Most Guys’

Ballers! What a week. Rhianna gets a career boost from this week’s name-drop, we debate the morals of adopting exotic pets, andNate proves to be a better friend than Reggie – but Joe and Reggie find common ground and begin a beautiful journey of their own. Spencer’s trying to beat the NFLPA and an opiate addiction, but not before beating the arrogance out of Travis on the bench press. All aboard the bus – next stop Pill Farm! BAAAAAALLERRRRRRRRRRRRS.

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Ballers 204: ‘World of Hurt’

Ballers on Ballers this week catches you up on the latest Dwayne Johnson news and breaks down all the action from Ballers latest episode, ‘World of Hurt’. We give the show-runners some free advice (you’re welcome), spare some harsh words for Mr. Seifert, hold our breath with Vernon, reveal the latest action in the war on Ballers, and shake our collective head at Spencer’s poor decisions (did you catch the pill-snatching?). It’s a wild week, which wouldn’t be complete without our Least Baller of the Week, Baller of the Week, and Baller Moment of the Week.

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Ballers 203: ‘Elidee’

This week the boys discuss science vs. spirituality, #Ricky2NOLA, and whether or not Ryan Tannenhill is an elite QB in the #Ballerverse. John and Jesse also debate the moral dilemma facing Vern: should he tell the truth and risk losing his contract or lie and risk losing himself? Plus Spice Adams, trips to Taco Bell, and this week’s Ballers of the Week!

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Ballers 202: ‘Enter the Temple’

Tensions run high as bitter rivals Spencer and Andre joust for Sizz’s love. We also check in on Charles’ future, Ricky/TTD’s relocation plans (#Ricky2NOLA), Tracy’s crusade against employer bias and Reggie’s thirst for self actualization. Shout outs to Miami-Dade County’s newest NBA legend, The Rock’s burgeoning political influence, Andy Garcia’s filmography, California livin’ and NOLA love abound as we dig into yet another trailblazing Ballers episode.

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Ballers 201 – Face of the Franchise

What is there to say? Ballers. Is. Back. So are your favorite Ballers experts: Ballers on Ballers. Spencer ‘Strasmore’ Darr and John ‘Bill$’ Beisner kick of this season of ballers with an in-depth breakdown of Ricky’s contract battle (pay that man!), TTD’s return, and, of course, Spencer’s epic throwdown with ‘T Sizzle’ on ‘Glazed and Confused’. But those ex-rivals aren’t the only duo squaring off over ‘Glazed and Confused.’ Jesse ‘the Brick’ Laier steps in at 39:45 to catch our listeners up on the Dan Le Batard – ESPN controversy raging behind the scenes of Ballers. It wouldn’t be Ballers on Ballers if we didn’t give out our choice for Least Baller of the Week, Baller of the Week, and Baller Moment of the Week. Guess what? We do.

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Ballers 109 – “Head-On”

The penultimate episode of Ballers, “Head-On”, packed in the surprises: Roles have been reversed for Charles Greane, suddenly fierce in the bedroom but fragile on the field – can the Black Swan make a comeback? We experience an Original TTD Joint, Joe checks out commercial real estate, while Spencer checks in on an old peer. PLUS: we check up on Dave from Taco Bell and make plans for the Ballers Finale Pool Party.

Ballers 106 – “Everything is Everything”

“Everything is Everything” HBO’s Ballers’ 6th episode sees an introspective Spencer Strasmore tackle both his own issues and Vernon’s. The ballers on ballers crew addresses this, Charles’ sordid stay at the Funhouse and Joe’s trackside deal with Maximo “Machete” Gomez. PLUS Crucial topics such as “Top 3 items to Throw At The Beach,” “Why Band of Horses’ ‘The Funeral’ was NOT the best song of 2006,” and of course, the weekly baller power rankings. Bottoms up – ballers on ballers always goes down smooth.

Ballers 105 – “Machete Charge”

Ballers, beats, and bubbles – this week’s episode of Ballers on Ballers was recorded live at the Baller’s Hot Tub. Throw on your trunks and jump in, because this week on Ballers was bananas.

Joe closes the Victor Cruz deal, karma comes for Vernon, Ricky punks Zo, Charles ponders the difference between porn and nudes, Angelo’s offer, and Spencer’s sharp machéte.

PLUS: Baller Power Rankings, Baller of the Week, Least Baller of the Week, and Baller Moments of the Week (DOUBLE PLUS: Bonus Baller Moments of the Week).

Ballers on Ballers on Beating Hangovers

The alarm goes off. You’re beyond parched. Everything is pulsating. Your head is split like the San Andreas Fault – as in the fault from the 2015 Dwayne the Rock Johnson Hollywood blockbuster. Where the hell did these bruises come from? Whose number is this? How the fuck is it morning already?

Shit! You gotta be at work in thirty, and ready for that presentation in forty-five. What to do? Cry? Cawl back in bed and succumb to what will be a wasted day? Hell no. Ballers don’t get hungover. Ballers beat hangovers. Well, ballers know how to best marginalize them.

Below is a painstakingly curated list of the most balling ways to defeat a hangover – tested by yours truly, with some assistance from the talented HBO Ballers cast

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